Store Cupboard Cooking?

Right, so if - like me - you watch a fair amount of TV cooking shows (oh, you don't? No matter. Yes, I know there are sitcoms on... I like cooking shows!)... anywho... If you did watch the shows, you'd often hear them mention "store cupboard cooking". You're looking puzzled. It's quite simple really. It's not? Of course it is. Oh dear - no, they don't mean cooking with wood! They mean cooking with what is in the store cupboard. Now, if you're miss Twinset over there, this could mean a very wet, very intoxicating meal. After all, I've seen the inside of her store cupboard and if you need to have a gin bath or set up an impromptu nightclub complete with fully stocked bar then you're in the right place. If however you require something solid to eat, you're plum out of luck! If it doesn't clink or go well with an olive, she doesn't store it.

When these Celebuchef's refer to store cupboard cooking, they make the fairly safe assumption that you have more than a few mouldy onions and an open box of stale (and slightly soggy) crackers in there. They assume that you have tinned vegetables, an assortment of dried bean and pea products, perhaps some exotic preserved peppers in a jar... then there is the usual - flour, baking powder, packet of biscuits and spare salt. They are also referring to the contents of your fridge. Yes, I am well aware that the fridge is not a cupboard. I'm also fairly sure that they are fully aware of that fact too! No, they're not confused. Now, may I continue? Thank you. In your fridge, they may expect you to have a selection of veg, some cream, butter (or margarine), eggs, a selection of cheeses - at least one of which should crumble, one of which should ooze, one of which should be blue and one should be Parmesan - perhaps even a half drunk bottle of wine. They're not really interested in the left over, dried out chicken pieces that should have gone out with last weeks trash or the mummified remains of who knows what that is cowering defensively in the back corner of the crisper drawer, armed with a toothpick that you don't remember having in the fridge at all.

There is another place that they're referring to when they talk about "store cupboard cooking". Oh dear, why are you drinking out of that wine bottle with a bendy straw?? This is not that stressful OR confusing. Alright, go sit quietly in the corner and slurp on your wine while I finish explaining this to everyone else. Oh... You would like to know? Well then, unhand the booze and pay attention. Sigh. No, you won't need your cheque book. It is a figure of speech! Now... the third place that they may be referring to when they talk about "store cupboard cooking" is on your counters. They will often times refer to grabbing some fresh herbs from the beautiful kitchen garden growing on your windowsill or fresh garlic from a basket hanging in the corner of the kitchen, which also contains fresh ginger. You may be required to use the zest of an orange or a lemon which - of course - you'll grab from your fully stocked fruit / veg bowl. This also contains avo's, banana's, two types of onion, 3 varieties of potato and some fresh chili even though you're allergic. Naturally, there are also 3 types of oil on the counter as well as a cheap and expensive Balsamic vinegar :-)

Now - like Miss Twinset over there - you may be looking a bit confused as to where I'm going with this. Unlike Miss Twinset though, you're not slightly tipsy from sucking good wine through a straw though, so I think you'll be able to follow what I'm about to say. Most of us do not have enough store in our store cupboards to even begin to prepare the dishes that they refer to in these "store cupboard cooking" shows. In fact, we'd have to prepare a shopping list (issue 1) and go to the shop for all the necessary ingredients before we could even begin! I admit that I suffer with a strong sense of kitchen envy whenever I see the ingredients which they consider to be "basic" in every home and look forward to the day when I too will have a large jar full of vanilla pods "just in case" or a pot of saffron - that I actually use!

For most of you, "store cupboard cooking" is the culinary equivalent of running a marathon with your shoelaces tied together! When you open your cupboards, you stare thoughtfully at the pasta selection, spare sugar, the half used bag of white flour and the unopened bag of brown flour you bought a year or more ago when you thought you might give bread another try (after all, the last batch has worked well as paving for ages and there's that patch next to the house that needs doing). There's also some basic baking gear - paper cups, vanilla essence and the like - and of course... the prerequisite three packets of jelly. If you're lucky, you'll find some packets of cup-a-soup and if you're really lucky, they may still be valid! In the veggie rack are a few onions and perhaps a potato peeping at you out of one of 47 eyes! In the fridge is a bottle of wine (half finished), some nearly out of date fruit juice, milk, butter, eggs, basic cheddar cheese, some possibly furry jam in a tin and in the crisper? Veg? Of course not. There's an old tube of garlic paste, some leftover margarine from your last baking endeavours and that chocolate that you've hidden for "emergencies". There's nothing that passes for a fruit or veg bowl on your counters and the closest you've come to fresh ginger in a while is when you passed it in the supermarket last week. You have your basic sunflower oil and brown and white vinegar (for chips you know) and possibly that bottle of Balsamic that a far more culinarily (is that a word?) enlightened friend gave you last Christmas.

Doesn't seem like there's much you can do with that does it? You'll be surprised! Fry up the onion, cook the pasta and use the flour, marg and milk to make a basic white sauce. Add some of that cheddar to make it a cheese sauce and you have a basic and tasty pasta dish. You could also use the flour, eggs and milk to make pancakes or flapjacks. There are always possibilities, but it will require you to have some imagination and to not be afraid. Calm down... there's nothing scary! We covered Kitchen Bravery in issue 1. I simply mean that you must be willing to experiment. No. Electronic equipment, cabling and a hunched, lisping manservant named Igor are not a necessity for this type of experimentation. In fact, if anything you do in the kitchen comes to life in more ways than just with flavour... well. Suffice it to say that you'll have a lot of explaining to do!

So - while Miss Twinset is off finishing her wine (waste not, want not), I trust that you'll all be putting your thinking caps on and redefining for yourselves what "store cupboard cooking" means for you!

Until next time...