May You Live in Pinteresting Times

The Lament of the Blogger

I used to be a blogger,

'til Pinterest stole my life.

Thank heavens I'm not a girlfriend,

a Mother or a Wife!

For though it's bad to neglect you,

I'm sure you'll understand.

But if I had a family,

This would be quite out of hand!

So for now I will amuse you,

With this pic I found today.

 And work on blogging tomorrow,

When I have far more to say!

If I were a Thin Girl...

I will never be a thin girl.  I should know... I've tried.  Well... I have!  I know my limits, so there've been no Atkins or South Beach diets in this house.  Although, I did seriously consider the chocolate diet in my teens.  Come now, you remember this one?  It was a glorious time when fad diets and eating plans reigned supreme.  In this particular case, the idea was to eat 200g of chocolate each day, but ONLY this.  Yes, you'd lose weight, but the first slice of bread or scrap of potato was guaranteed to balloon you back to your pre-fad weight as your body rejoiced in the sight of real food.  Other variants included eating only 6 apples a day and 1 that was only oranges.  They didn't stand a chance around me.

You see - if you haven't figured it out by now - I LOVE food.  Not all food, 'cos I'm not really fond of fish amongst other things, but essentially, I love food! However, while fad or restrictive diets weren't going to fare well around me, there was a certain logic to adopting a healthier eating plan.  "This isn't a diet," I told my brain.  "It's not?" it questioned.  "No," I replied, "it's simply a way for me to ensure that I get all my food groups in."  Neither my brain or my body was fooled.  After all, no-one stops eating bread, rice, potato and pasta simply to eat "better".  After all, cake is a food group and so is toast... right? 

So the first time I tried this, it was highly restrictive and hard to do and made me totally miserable.  Needless to say, I didn't stick with it for as long as I should've.  It worked, but if I so much as looked at a forbidden food I seemed to gain weight.  Sigh.  Fast forward a few years and countless baking projects later and - well, you get the idea :-) So now we're giving this another go.  Just as healthy, but not as restrictive.  Still no bread, but at least there's some pasta and potato :-)  (Trust me, it's the small things in life)  The aim is to get healthy, but also to lose weight.  And this is where the realisation has hit that I will most likely never be a thin girl... After all, what would it say to you if your body actively rebelled against the new plan?

In fairness, some of this fat has been with me for more than 20 years and it was unlikely to just "give up and move out".  I mean, I've managed to shift some, but I think it just moved around my body in search of better scenery :-)  However, for all the fact that I appear to be stuck with the weight, at least the food is a bit more exciting.  Proof that eating correctly doesn't have to be boring as hell :-)

Take this as an example....  One of my meal options is pork and veg and I decided to try it as mince.  This is what I came up with.

Ingredients

180g Pork Mince
2 courgettes
1/2 medium onion or 1 small onion
8 - 10 mushrooms finely diced
seasoning (salt, pepper, soya sauce, garlic, etc - to your taste)
1 egg
1/4 cup cornflake crumbs
Tomato sauce (to taste)

Method

Finely dice the onion and mushrooms and grate the courgette.  Then add the mince, crumbs, seasoning, tomato sauce and about 1/2 the egg (beaten).  This is where it's going to get a bit sticky and dirty... you need to mix this with your hands!  Yes - with your hands!  You'll know when it's right 'cos it'll all be evenly mixed.

Now at this point, you can do a few things with the mix.  You can either make meat balls or like me, you can make it as a 'loaf'.  This is actually a single serving on the eating plan (I know, right?)  I press it into a small disposable dish and pour the remaining beaten egg over the top.  Then bake uncovered at 180 deg C for about an hour or until it's done the way you want it :-)

This is such a yummy way to get your meat and veg in in one go :-)  It would also be a great way to get kids to eat their veg - and yes, I know that it's wrong to hide them from your kids, but it's far more important that they eat them!

The Tipsy Tarts say that I'm no fun at the moment, but I think that's because I'm not baking at the moment, which means that there are no fun carbs for them to "pooh-pooh" at and secretly eat.  It could also be because I'm not up for a boozy lunch which starts at dawn and ends when one of them passes out.  Usually sometime close to dawn the next day lol.  I'm trying to figure out what the big deal is. After all, Miss Twinset still eats whatever she wants and I caught her lounging - yes lounging - on her new chaise with a box of bonbons the other day.  She tried to hide them behind her back when I stuck my head around her door, but her fear of dropping them and messing up her carpets overrode her desire to have the box behind her back.  I patiently explained that this is for me and that she can do what she wants.  After all, she actually - gulp - exercises.  The Other One seems to exist on food scents and pure alcohol as I've never really seen her over-indulge in anything that can physically be eaten.  You couldn't get her to eat a peanut butter cup, but you could get her to drink a 20 000 calorie peanut butter smoothie if you added some booze!

At any rate, it's time to go and make another cup of coffee to combat the desire to inhale chocolate.

Until next time...

The Fridge Diaries!

Oh, what a sad, sad day! My beloved fridge has passed on to that great appliance utopia in the sky. I like to picture it up there catching up with old washer and dryers and indeed all other former appliances that have been a part of our homes over the years.

It was such a great fridge, perfectly set out with fridge compartment above and freezer below and so large and spacious inside that you felt almost petty for wishing that you could just fit one more thing in there, especially as it was already full to the brim.

Now, for many of you this sense of sadness and loss will seem odd and misplaced, but until you have found a perfect appliance or one that at least fulfills most of your expectations, it's hard to know how you'll feel when it's gone. Miss Twinset of course couldn't see anything other than the excitement and joy of a shopping trip looming ahead of her and although her passion for the kitchen and appliances is nowhere near as well developed as mine, the opportunity to trawl the aisles in search of the perfect deal was too good to resist! The only concern that the Other One had was that it didn't contain any of her booze, 'cos heaven knows she wouldn't be able to cope with a warm white wine!

The fridge didn't always belong to us. In fact, it was adopted when we moved into the house more than a decade ago. The previous owners had had the kitchen cupboards built around the fridge and were honest enough to admit that not only could they not fit it into their new house, but that our "regular" size fridge would look hopelessly out of place in the custom size gap. Although I was initially suspicious of the secondhand nature of the fridge, I soon came to appreciate it's understated beauty and the humble way it quietly went about doing the job for which it was intended. It was also a bit like Mary Poppin's carpet bag - seeming to have an unending amount of space and a capacity for producing the strangest things if you moved bottles around and peered into the back corners. It's funny, but after I took all the magnets off, it was as if I was disowning it somehow :-)

Of course, you can't just clean the outside, you need to empty the inside. It took up almost the whole kitchen counter and as you can see... I wasn't kidding about that magic carpet bag trick! Where did all this stuff come from? lol. I had to laugh at the Other One though... She spotted "the" bottle and was horrified when I told her that it was alcohol free. I thought she was having a stroke and she did turn the nicest shade of puce.

Now, you may be wondering about the new fridge. Naturally, Miss Twinset was dying to go shopping with me, but in the end I simply told her it was a family outing and my parents and I set off with a checklist of preferred features and a list of measurements, filled with hope that we would be able to tick all the right boxes.

I have to confess that I simply adore spending time in stores that sell appliances and kitchen gadgets. The alluring gleam of new glass and chrome, of sparkling surfaces on new fridges, freezers, washers and dryers. I find myself wandering the aisles caressing them gently, examining their buttons and gidgets and gadgets and dreaming of kitchens and houses that I have yet to own where I could house them all. Sigh. Ok.... I'm more than a little weird, but in fairness, you're only as good as your equipment (and no boys, that isn't a dig at you), so it's important to have the best that you can afford!

Well, we discovered that the average fridge is TINY and that the standard size is almost 16cm narrower than our old fridge! There were some other fridges that I simply desired with a passion, but they were 6cm too wide. Oh dear! I was feeling like Goldilocks. This one was too wide, this one too tall, this one too deep, would we find one one at all? In the end though, a selection was made!! Then it was just an interminable 2 day wait for it to be delivered on Saturday.

The old fridge was taken away to start a new life as a charity donation and I bid it a slightly tearful farewell... sniff. It was like losing a friend, someone I had trusted to look after my ingredients and creations, someone who knew all the secrets of the disasters I'd hidden within or the chocolate that was always stashed in the crisper drawers instead of lettuce. It was time though. Besides, back in the kitchen, a shiny new fridge was waiting for us to get to know each other, filled with hidden compartments and funky features.

The inside is vastly smaller than the old one, but I think that we can learn to work with it. Besides, it gives me a great excuse to tell the Other One that she isn't allowed to use it as a booze storage unit!

So... raise a glass to appliances no longer with us and to getting to know new friends :-) Let's hope that there are years of cooking and baking together in our future.

Until next time...

Going Banana's!!

If your Mom is like my Mom, then at some point when you were a kid you were probably called a little monkey. Well, I think my Mom may have been on to something because I absolutely love bananas! They're so much fun and so versatile, plus, there's the fun of "unwrapping" them like a little gift from nature :-) You can deep fry them, use them as the basis of a breakfast smoothy, use them chopped in fruit salad or as the basis for one of the best desserts - a banana split! And that is barely scratching the surface!! Picture Bubba in Forrest Gump talking about shrimp and you'll get the idea :-)

As I said, I really love bana... *knock knock* Hang on... I'm not sure who that can be 'cos I'm not expecting anyone.

I'm back. It was the Other One! She had her driver knock so that she didn't have to take a risk of chipping a nail on the door handle *sigh*. Oh well, it's kinda nice to have her back. She's been a bit scarce lately, something about a private jet and a week in the Bahama's (or some such place). I confess I wasn't paying much attention when she was warbling on about it a while back. I guess I suspected that it was the booze taking her on a fantasy trip... however, she was definitely gone and now she's back looking like she spent the week being primped and primed by a Hollywood glamour squad. From the top of her artfully highlighted 'do' to her perfectly pedicured toes and the 'honey bronze' skin tone in between, she certainly looked like she'd had a good time.

I'm just a little concerned because I just overheard her telling a very envious Miss Twinset that she brought back a little Christmas booze... To the novice reader, this may seem like nothing important, but let me tell you... I'll bet her plane came back loaded to the gills with illegally imported booze! As long as she doesn't store it in my garden shed again... Anyway - I digress!! Miss Twinset has been a little miffed that she wasn't invited to go, but I've set her the task of coming up with a drink to compliment our topic of the day. Should be interesting!
So, where was I? Oh yes, I was talking about how much I love the humble banana. Now... if I'm going to be picky, there is one downside to this great fruit. It can go rotten surprisingly quickly! I can assure you that there are many old wives tales about how to stop that from happening, but I've tried a few and the only one that really works is this... buy them semi-ripe and eat them fast!!

Ok, so you bought them green and before you'd had time to blink they ended up like exhibit A to our left over here. Eeeww!! Yes, most of us know that often the skin is like this (shudder) and the inside is still fine, but I can promise you that if you had felt how squishy this banana was - gulp - you would know that the inside was definitely not for eating. I tossed it at the Other One and she caught it! I'll have to pay to dry clean her suit, but it was well worth it!

All is not lost though and I promise that you don't need to throw them away. There is an elegant and delicious solution to the problem of what to do with a squishy banana (or 3). Banana bread! It's a very easy recipe and there's a really good chance that you'll end up leaving your bananas to go a bit over ripe on purpose :-)

Ingredients

125 g Margarine
125 ml ( ½ cup) White Sugar
3 Eggs
3 Bananas
3 ml ( ½ tsp) Vanilla Essence
400 ml (1⅔ cups) Flour
Pinch of Salt
Pinch of Bicarbonate of Soda
10 ml (2 tsp) Baking Powder
45 ml (3 tbsp) Milk

Method

1. Grease a loaf tin. Cream the margarine and sugar with a wooden spoon.

2. Add the unbeaten eggs one at a time and beat thoroughly. Mash the bananas with a fork and add to the mixture with the vanilla essence.

3. Sieve the flour, salt, bicarbonate of soda and baking powder and add to the mixture with the milk. Mix well.

4. Place the mixture in the tin and bake for half an hour at 180°C. Reduce heat to 140°C and bake for a further 30–45 minutes, or until nicely browned and baked through. To test if ready, push a skewer or knitting needle into the loaf. If this comes out clean, the cake is ready. If some of the cake mixture sticks to the skewer, the cake needs more baking time.

There's something very homely about the smell of baking banana bread! Sigh :-) I add a twist to the recipe though. Just before I put the tin in the oven to bake, I cover the top of the loaf with a layer of white sugar. This melts in the oven and just adds a bit of extra crunch to the finished loaf. You can see the 'crust' in this pic. Doesn't that look good? When the loaf has cooled off, remove it from the tin and store it. Mine is wrapped in tin foil to help keep it fresh - although if I'm perfectly honest, this loaf really won't last that long.

I'm from a monkey-ish family when it comes to banana bread!



Light and fluffy and full of banana goodness!



You can eat it plain, with butter, with jam or even use it as a base for trifle rather than a plain sponge. French toast... with cheese... Sorry - I'm getting caught up :-)

As you can see, I went the extra mile during research for this blog. It's a dirty job, but one I'm happy to do for you lovely readers!

I have to say that I'm impressed with Miss Twinset. She presented us with a bottle of banoffee vodka, thereby giving us something that is not only topical, but delicious with the added benefit of using up some of the booze they have stashed all over my house! If I can get the recipe out of her, I'll share it, but for now I think it's time for me to go enjoy all the fruity goodness going on in my kitchen.

Until next time...

Can You Believe It?

Eh herm. *cough*. I'm sorry to interrupt you all, but I'm not sure that you've noticed. Well, you might've done, but those two in the corner are certainly oblivious. Yesterday (Sunday) it was 10 weeks until Christmas morning! No. I'm not kidding. Yes. I'm quite sure!

The Tipsy Tarts have been storing up anything with an alcohol content for months in preparation. That means that somewhere there is a stock of wine, vodka, brandy and sherry (and possibly even paraffin) large enough to blow a side off of my house if one of them drops an armed cigarette holder at the wrong moment. Hopefully it's at The Other One's house. Heaven knows I've hunted everywhere around here and no sign of it, so keep your fingers crossed! I asked them if they knew what the 10 week countdown meant and the nearly incomprehensible slur that I received in reply was that it meant less time to hit the liquor outlet stores. I suppose it's my own fault for asking during Happy Hour (which runs from 9am to pass out on a Sunday in case you were wondering).

Actually, what it means is that you have a list of things to do between now and then!

• NOW is the time to bake your Christmas Cakes (you'll find the recipe in a previous blog)



• Take a good look at your Christmas card list and check that you've got addresses for all those that you want to post to.



• Check with your local post office what the costs are for mailing and what the deadlines are for your overseas cards



• Decide if you'll be designing your own card or buying cards from a local store. If you are designing / making your own, you'll need to get a move on!



• Design your email cards and get them ready for sending.



• Compile a list of everyone that you intend to give a gift to and decide on a budget for each person. Remember that you don't need to give a costly gift to everyone you know and that it's also OK to set a spend limit on gifts among friends!



• Speak to your family and decide who is hosting which meals during the Festive Season and also decide who is going to cook or clean or supply alcohol.

If I think about my Grans, I realise that both of them lived through the Second World War and that is why both of them used to say that it's about the people you spend the day with and the meaning behind the gifts you give. So... if you don't have a lot of money, don't be afraid to think outside the box. Make a voucher book offering to wash a friends car or cook someone a great meal. Be creative. It's not about the dollar value... it's about the thought you put into it!

Now... I have to love and leave you because there is a suspicious looking trail of glitter in my kitchen that I simply have to sweep up. Seems as if Ruby is really looking forward to the Sparkly Season ahead! Me too :-)

Until next time...

Orange You Glad You Did?

I don't know about you, but there are days that just scream "cake" at you.  OK, if you're me, then almost every day screams "cake" at you, but we're not only talking about me now are we?  Now - if you have a decent bakery nearby - it's a simple matter of trotting down there (to burn off calories in advance) and getting a slice or 10 of whatever takes your fancy.  However, if you're not so fortunate, you may be limited to the mass produced, overly cream filled and largely tasteless options served up by the local supermarket and that simply won't do.  I've tried it.  Trust me.

So what do you do when the urge to pull a Marie Antoinette strikes so hard that you can literally feel the pounds moving in on your hips?  Why, you bake of course!  Now, now.  I can feel the vacuum as you all recoiled from your screens in horror.  It's really not as complicated as it sounds.  In fact, I may even have told you the recipe before, but just in case...

First, decide how many eggs you want to use (depending on the size of the cake)

Weigh 6 eggs 

Flour, Sugar, Butter - all the same weight as the eggs

1 teaspoon of vanilla essence
1.5 - 2 teaspoons of baking powder


Cream sugar and butter together until smooth.  Sift flour and baking powder together into a bowl. Add eggs and flour to butter and sugar mix alternating.  Add vanilla essence.


At this point in time, you could just stick this into a dish / cake tin and bake it in a 180 degree C oven for 40 - 50 min and  you'd have a delicious vanilla sponge.  If what you want is a vanilla sponge :-)  


I have to tell you that when the urge hit me a few weeks ago, the day wasn't merely screaming "cake" at me, but it was being rather specific.  Orange cake with orange butter cream frosting to be precise!  So... once you have your cake batter ready, you add the grated zest of 1 - 2 oranges (to taste) using the proper tools.  A regular grater definitely won't do!  Also add the juice from 1 of the oranges.  Once you're sure the batter tastes sufficiently orangey, then put it into the prepared dish and bake.  


Word of warning to the wise... do NOT let the Tipsy Tarts taste the batter.  You need to keep in mind that their taste buds are finely tuned to distinguish between 80% proof vodka and 100% proof jet fuel and that they will end up adding all sorts of things until they can taste it and let me assure you that cayenne pepper and garlic in cake batter is never a good idea!  Nope.  Never!


Once the cake is out of the oven and cooled down, you make your butter cream icing and add orange zest and juice as before until it is all yummy and orangey.  Ice the cake generously (or to preference) and then?  ENJOY!!  I had mine with a cup of good coffee, chilling with my feet up and a good movie.  Believe me... you won't regret taking the time to make something delicious to indulge in!
 

The Tipsy Tarts argued that while cake may have been what my day was yelling at me, "cocktails" was what theirs was yelling at them. Hardly surprising if you consider that their motto in life is "Somewhere in the world it's martini time!" 

They had taken a few shots of vanilla vodka, fresh cranberry juice and a little sparkling lemonade and served it over ice on a few curls of lemon rind.  I was a little afraid to try it while I baked, but it certainly seemed to make them very happy!  Perhaps I'll see what they cook up this weekend?

Until next time...

Just Like My Gran!

I haven't been very good about blogging over the past several months. Part of it is my own failure to just sit down and make time and part of it is the pressure I've been putting on myself to constantly write long, humourous, involved posts. However, there is something that I read the other day that was a timely reminder... You don't have to post a long post when you blog, just say something. So. Here it is. Something.

Until nex...

Ok. I'm kidding. I would never leave you with just that and even though the nature of this post will be somewhat serious, I can't seem to stop just a little light-heartedness from creeping in. I've given the ladies the night off (something I'm sure their livers will be grateful for) and asked Ruby and Phin to pop in tomorrow. You see, I want to reflect on two people that I loved greatly and who are both now gone. This is not an easy topic, but one that I want to address.

I would like to very briefly mention my two Gran's. My Ouma (my Dad's Mom) died a few years ago, but my Granny (my Mom's Mom) died only a few weeks ago and was buried this past Tuesday. I did not spend nearly enough time with the first due to the distance between her home city and ours, but the latter lived with us when I was a child. Both were amazing women who had such strength.

My Father can cook, clean & sew better than most women I know thanks to her revolutionary (for the time) ideas that my Ouma had that boys should be well prepared! It didn't hurt that she was a Nursing Sister and so was a working Mom. With 4 growing boys, she wouldn't have a lot of time to do all that was necessary, so they were taught to pitch in and help. She also worked hard to stretch tight budgets and cook creatively - something that continues to inspire our creative kitchen endeavours today!

My Mom learned all the usual skills, but the stuff that stuck was the sewing, baking, knitting and other home crafts. Her upbringing was strict and loving (same as my Dad), but she was also given some freedoms that helped to shape her life. My Gran - the woman that I knew - was shaped in part by her experiences of being in a POW camp in Indonesia during WWII. She always had a sense of economy and hated to waste food. It also made her quite practical about a lot of stuff... something that I have come to respect in later years.

It is my Granny that took the lead in inspiring this blog because I so clearly remember her cooking or baking or making jams. From fun days out picking wild blackberries to eating fresh baked apple and blackberry crumble several hours later... Well, I thought she was a magician! She also loved to knit, sew, crochet and garden. I could go on for hours and hours about them both... but I won't do that here.

Suffice it to say that I believe that the strength of your blood comes from the ingredients that go into it. It's what we get from those that came before and what we will ultimately leave for those that have yet to come. I have the most amazing parents because their parents were moulded the way they were and in turn... I am the person I am due to the lessons that I've learned.

So - to my Granny and my Ouma - thank you for being just exactly who you were and for shaping me. I am now officially no longer a grandchild as you've all passed, but there is no void... you filled it with your experience, your love, your inspiration and the children you left me who are my parents.

Until the next time I find myself Just Like My Gran...